Were women born to be abused, mistreated or executed by men?

The following piece of writing is my reflection on some articles I have read on Dantri.com. I don't mean to offend anyone, though my words may sound a bit biased. Please excuse me for that!

Were women born to be abused, mistreated or executed by men?

     Not a day passes by without reported cases about woman abuse. Some are severely bullied by their husbands; some are killed by their boyfriends; some are forced to have sex; some have husband leaving for another woman. I wonder whether it is destiny. Reading the article about “ A teacher who burned three husband’s relatives”, I was shocked by the cruel act of the woman, but then I think “ wasn’t she the only one to be blame?”. Had her husband not had another woman or had she not suffered too much stress from her husband family, things might be different. She is now imprisoned for life. Everyone now sees her as a bloody murderer, or a monster. Is she happy about that? Not at all, I would say.

I read another article about her husband: he seemed to put all the blame on her. I don’t think that is fair. He must also be responsible for her act, for they have been man and wife for years. For a married woman, nothing is more important than family happiness, and nothing is more terrible than being betrayed by her partner. She can stand poverty; she can stand all the hardship, but she cannot stand seeing him with another woman. Isn’t that understandable?

What’s the point of having a girlfriend or a wife, then mistreating them? Why can’t men be responsible for every word they say, or every act they do? Men are so good with words. They can easily create a false impression of who they are. They can come up with many sound excuses for their neglect. They are so powerful, so scary, and so the same. They can be at first gentle and charming, then turn out cold and cruel. Women are innocent. They are easily touched by some simple good deeds, falsely believing that is a good start of their relationship while it’s indeed going to be the end. Is it true that men are too exhausted after months or years of chasing after their women, so they can no longer be as nice as they used to be?
No offense, but I have seen so few exceptions.




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This is my friend's comment on the post:


No, sunflower, women are not born to be abused, mistreated, or executed by men. Women, like men, are born to maintain our human species and to make the world a better place. 

There are, however, defects among our species, which includes those who abused their unique privileges such as physical condition and appearances, and the power of their brains. Our world is full of cases where the pretty pick on the ugly, the smart laugh at the dummy, or the strong abuse the weak. That will change, however, when we continue to evolve to the point where society can no longer tolerate such behaviors. The world will be prettier. Don’t be depressed.

Your writing triggered my curiosity, so I went on the Internet and searched for the article. Unlike you, I did not consider the lady’s action as cruelty. Stupidity? Yes, but not cruelty. When she decided to burn down the house, she did not mean to kill three people consequently. She only wanted them to be homeless.

Was she the only one to blame? I would say yes. We all face difficulties in life, but we do not burn down people’s house whenever we feel distressed. Should her husband accept some responsibilities for the burning? I would not think so. He might be responsible for his infidelity, but the lady is solely responsible for burning down the house that resulted death. She planned it; she executed it; and a whole family including an innocent, six-year old kid died.

Though we might have drawn different conclusion on the story, I understand and incline to agree with your point of view about infidelity in general. According to American Sociological Review, you represent 89% of society who are frowned on people involved in extramarital relationship. Even a survey from Playboy magazine confirmed that “overwhelming majority” was opposed to infidelity. (Peterson, 1983) The survey was old, but I could not find any newer one. I imagine it only gets better.

However, infidelity is not specifically a male issue. Men just happen to be the majority. According to “Adultery: Statistics on Cheating Spouses,” published by Eagle’s Nest Publication, among the cheaters, 60-70 percent are male and 30-40 percent are female. But then, that was in America. Different statistic can paint a different picture depending on local culture and tradition, and the acceptance of society. I am sure the numbers are different in Vietnam.

Anyway, I knew you didn’t mean to talk about logic and statistic. I think you just had a bad day and you felt sad for human nature; and the depressing article about the lady burning down a house and killing a family didn’t help much either. You just wanted to vent your feeling. I hope you feel better soon. 

I, too, do feel terrible reading news from Vietnam sometimes. There are too many social issues; too many monstrously unjust stories about what men could do to women, and boys to girls. I sympathy with parents who have to go through lives agonizing over what could happen to their daughters if they ever made a mistake. If I had had a teenage daughter or a young sister in Vietnam, I would have been worried to death.

By the way, it’s always nice to see your writing, Sunflower. Do that more often. I was surprised to see yours today, and it was a nice surprise. Oh, and I also hope that you will see more exceptions.